👋 Hi, I’m Jeff. I write weekly about lessons I’ve learned leading product teams and working to lead well in chaotic environments, drawing on 25+ years of building.
⏱ Read time: 3 minutes
“When you listen generously to people, they can hear the truth in themselves, often for the first time.”
— Rachel Naomi Remen
Listening is a mission-critical skill for anyone working on a team.
It’s at the core of things that make teams operate better: executive presence, prioritization, and decision-making. Doing each of these well requires listening. It’s a leadership building block.
While everyone praises listening, it’s rare to see skilled listening in action. It’s also hard work. I notice this when I’m doing a lot of listening. I feel it in my brain and my body.
My personal listening failure mode is when I start solving a problem I’m hearing about before I’m even finished listening. It stifles my own curiosity in the moment.
Three Modes of Listening — Becoming More Aware
As I hone my leadership coaching skills through training, I’m learning to think about listening as more of a structured form of attention than a skill. Listening requires training different layers of attention.
The listening framework I’m learning draws from psychology, mindfulness, and therapeutic traditions, and blends those pieces into a simple model for real conversations. I’m finding it helps me follow how I direct my attention starting from self, to the other person, to an even wider field.
Here’s the three-part framework I’m learning:
Mode 1 — Internal Listening. This first mode is actually self-focused. You’re listening to another person speak, while simultaneously focusing on your own thoughts, opinions, and ideas.
A classic example is thinking through a problem, or what to say next, while you’re listening to someone talk. Our brains have a natural tendency to connect others’ experiences to our own…and off we go.
Mode 2 — Focused Listening. The second mode is a tight focus on the other person. You’ve quieted your own internal voices, and you have almost laser-beam attention on the other person’s thoughts, opinions, and ideas.
This mode is more empathetic, but it can be a little hyper-focused. You may miss other signals or opportunities to gather more information.
Mode 3 — Global Listening. The third mode is a softer, wider awareness. In a meditation context, this might be called “soft focus.” It can include noticing energy, room dynamics, ambient sounds, or the wider environment—all while still listening. It’s a broader listen.
This mode can be more intuitive and less analytical because you’re more open to noticing things that are not just the other person’s thoughts and ideas. You’re noticing nonverbal signs like facial expressions and body posture—what someone is saying without speaking.
Note that all three listen modes happen simultaneously. A good listener or coach will focus on modes two and three while trying to manage mode one. It takes practice. You end up needing to be focused while also surrendering some control and relaxing into awareness.
Other Notes From This Framework
Here are some other practical ideas I picked up from the framework to try the next time you are listening. I’m working on these myself.
Create an atmosphere of curiosity. Be curious and also create an environment where the other person feels safe to explore or take the conversation in a new direction.
Notice yourself moving into and out of each listening mode. You shift modes by design or by accident in the course of a single conversation. Observing this will build your own awareness.
Pause before responding to avoid getting locked in listening mode one. Get feedback once in a while on how your face looks while you listen. Are you welcoming and warm? Intense? Your face makes a difference for the listener.
If you run into challenges or notice ways you can be better, give yourself some grace. Pure listening requires conscious practice. Just being more aware is a small win.
Listening ends up being a choice of where to direct your attention—every team member and leader’s scarcest resource. But ultimately this choice becomes a reflection of what kind of listener, and leader, you’ll be. It’s something I am continually working on.
If this helped you think more clearly about leading teams or products, I write here about once a week.
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